Thoughts
by JJScottishGirl
Summary: Based heavily on the 1996 movie here are Orsino and Viola's thoughts as the truth of her gender is revealed.


**Orsino:**

Orsino watched in wonder as the young boy he had kept in close companionship these past three months was revealed, by her once lost brother, as a woman. His heart soared with the wonder and possibility that this held. He had been having such strange feelings for Cesario of late - in truth, since the boy had entered his court. He had been wrestling with his emotions, struggling to understand his desire to spend all his time in the company of the youth. He had convinced himself that he liked the boy as if a younger brother or cousin. But that night, when Feste had played that tune for them and he had moved closer to his page and the music had bewitched them into a near embrace...oh, he had replayed that scene again and again in his mind. And being so frustrated with his confusing feelings had, with an even more ardent fervour, sent Cesario back to Olivia to prove definitively that she, and not his young servant, was the object of his affection.

Moments earlier, and many times before that, Cesario had declared his love for his master. Could it be true? Was he really the object of this delicate creature's love? The look in the young boy's eyes had been pure pain when Orsino had declared that they should never cross paths again. He had fought against that pain he had seen there, so blinded by Olivia's argument that he was her husband. But now he ached to make right that wrong, to bring joy to her eyes. Orsino knew immediately that what he had been feeling for Olivia had not been love. Why, his thoughts of Olivia were nothing when compared to the depths of emotion he was feeling now for the woman standing in front of him. He wanted to sweep Viola up in his arms, promise her the sun and the moon and the sky - give her everything her heart desired. And most of all he wanted to take back all the pain he had caused her these past three months by continually sending on her on errands that were against her own heart.

He watched Viola embrace her brother with great love and affection, and watched as she smiled upon the new-found love of her brother and Olivia. The Duke took a deep breath and approached her, his powerful strides belying the terror he felt inside. He did not think he could bear it if she rejected him, yet he deserved nothing less. She turned away and his heart seized.

He spoke to her as he best knew how – calling her "boy" and quitting him of his duties. Still she faced away from him, though she responded to his queries about her declarations of love with a strong voice. He softened his voice and offered her his hand, acknowledging the many acts she had performed for him that were so against "the mettle of her sex" and she slowly began to turn towards him. In in her beautiful eyes he saw all her suffering and confusion. And then, when he asked, heart on his sleeve, if she would be his mistress, her eyes lit with wonder and with an unbidden moan escaping, she flung herself into his arms and pressed her lips against his own.

Oh how wonderful, how joyous, how perfect she felt in his arms! They fit together as if two pieces of a whole that had broken apart but were now back in their rightful place. She pulled back from their kiss and the couple smiled heartily at one another. Her eyes now a mirror of the happiness he was sure must be glowing from his. He removed her hat and said that only thing that came to his racing mind - that he couldn't wait to see her in women's clothing. They smiled again and embraced heartily, only then really becoming aware they were not alone but rather in full public view - surrounded by many members of both his and Olivia's staff.

Orsino released his love – and oh, he couldn't wait to tell her he loved her for he had not said so in those exact words and she so deserved to hear them, to the happy embrace of his brother and Olivia, who immediately forgave all deceit and declared her sisterly kinship to Viola. He hurried back to Viola and captured her in his arms once more, marvelling at the gift of a necklace that Feste the fool suddenly hung around her neck. He watched as Viola touched the jewellery in wonder, catching a glimpse of how exquisitely beautiful she would be when once again outfitted in her own clothing. But again, Orsino was given pause to think about the truth of this love, for truly he cared not what she wore – she was beautiful to him with her shorn hair and in men's clothing because he loved Viola for her heart and her courage and her strength, qualities he perhaps might not have had the chance to see if he had first met her as one of many female suitors in his court. Part of her would always be Cesario to him, and he would cherish and appreciate her all the more because of it.

**Viola:**

Viola could scare believe her eyes – her beloved brother Sebastian appeared to stand before her. She had spent these last three months mourning his loss, feeling completely alone in the world and yet, here he was – as unchanged as before the shipwreck that had brought them to this land. The possibilities began to swim before her eyes. If this was true – oh, how wonderful it would be! Life once again shared with her brother. And now also his...wife. Olivia was his wife! And she, Cesario would be able to reveal herself as a woman, Viola, which meant...what did it mean? What would Orsino, her hitherto master, think? In these three months she had grown to love him with such affection she felt sure she could not bear to be parted from him – he was as strong in her heart as the love for her brother. Yet, he loved Olivia - that he had made abundantly clear.

Oh, there had been times – like that night a few days ago when Feste had played for them and they had been drawn together like two magnets, that she had thought she felt the intensity of his affection for her. Yet...he had thought she was a man, a youth to be taken under his wing. A youth he had sent wooing another woman, never thinking of how he broke her heart each time he spouted words of his devotion to Olivia. His feelings had been conflicted and tortured that night – she had seen it in his eyes. And she had tried so hard to use her words to get him to understand that he might be loved, even more than he proclaimed to love Olivia, but her message was muddled in the confusion of her own feelings and her need to remain in disguise, and of course he hadn't understood her. How would Orsino feel when Viola was revealed to him? Would he be angry? Or would he be able to give into some of those feelings Viola was sure she had seem simmering in his eyes?

Her brother removed her false moustache and as they embraced she caught a glimpse of the count's face – he appeared to be smiling in incredulous wonder. Holding Sebastian in her arms once again, reaching up to touch his cheek, Viola tried to convince herself that her brother's love would be enough to sustain her – regardless of how Orsino felt.

Viola turned and watched as her brother walked back to Olivia, and observed the stunned look of the lady's face. Oh, the explaining she would need to do! She made another fervent wish – that the Lady Olivia would see fit to forgive her for her deceit and embrace her as a sister, for indeed that is what they now were. She watched the newlyweds embrace and the Duke greet them – he appeared to be accepting Olivia's marriage, and then he approached her – his expression unreadable, his footsteps strong and resounding. She turned away and rubbed the smooth skin above her lip where once there had been a thin mask of facial hair. Robbed of that small strip of Cesario's identity she felt naked before him.

As she listened to his words her mind raced and heart beat wildly. He called her boy – of course, what else would he call her? At least it was better than the 'dissenting cub' comment from a few minutes ago. He questioned her about the validity of her prior statements of love for him, and averting his eyes she re-avowed the truth of her declarations. He asked for her hand but she could not bear to give it to him. And then...he quit her? He did not want her anymore. Her heart shattered.

Wait though...now he is acknowledging all that you did for him – all that which had been so challenging and that he never would have asked had you been a woman. And he...he is giving you his hand? Viola turned to look at him, her eyes searching his for answers. What does this all mean? And then he said it, with that wonderful questioning tone – putting his heart on the line for her – would she be, from that time forward, his mistress?

The ache of months of unrequited and hidden longing launched Viola into Orsino's arms, her lips pressed urgently against his. As she felt him pull her close, his arm around her shoulders clasping her tightly to him and his lips responding in kind to hers as she had only dreamed about, Viola finally let herself relax a little. She smiled as they gently pulled apart from one another, their arms still securely wrapped around one another. His beautiful smile, a beam that reached right into his eyes and was for her alone, set her heart on fire. She could scarcely believe this fast turn of events that had returned her drowned brother from death and given her the lover she had been steadfastly longing for but never dared dream would be hers.

As he pulled her cap from her head and expressed his desire to see her in feminine attire, Viola knew he had accepted the swift changing of her gender and let her know how conflicted he had been about his feelings towards her when she had been a man. That he now finally understood all that she had been trying to tell him these past months. In truth, part of her could not wait to be woman again – to be treated delicately, tenderly, affectionately. No more bound breasts. No more smoking. No more swords. And Viola reached up to hold her Duke close again, in a hug so tight she hoped he understand that she had no intention of ever letting him go.

After another hug from her brother, and a warm forgiving welcome from Olivia, Viola felt herself wrapped once again in Orsino's arms. In utter amazement she watched as Feste draped the necklace she had left behind on the beach around her neck. How did he...? She let the question drop - it did not matter, for her brother was home and her lord loved her, and with that she hugged Orsino tightly again and he held her close, her head resting on his chest listening to the sure and steady beat of his heart. A heart which beat for her.


End file.
